It has been five years since that horrible fateful day. I am five years into my grief, and as others have said, ready to take some responsibility for it.
That said, I will never stop being your mother. You are part of me, and I am part of you. I remember you, I cherish you, I imagine you, with each breath I take.
It is different, trying to 'carry on' (i.e. carrying you in my heart) from day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year. Time slows, quickens, live goes on regardless of what I feel, thing, long for, remember.
I hear that many trisomy babies and children have passed recently. Eight families, at least, now facing that immense challenge of their child no longer physically present. My heart goes out to them.
I do not think I could ever face this grief journey again. I do not know how parents who have lost multiple children continue to live, breath, function.
For me, I will hold you, cherish you, remember you. I know you are always going to be a part of me. An integral part.
I miss you my dear daughter.
You have taught me so much about love. I treasure your lessons to. I love you right back, bigger than the world can see, bigger than we could ever imagine.
My heart Nalah, I offer you my heart.